Humor
I was in the Express Lane at the store, quietly fuming because a woman ,completely ignoring the " Express Lane--6 Items Only" sign, slipped into the check-out line ahead of me, pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, and looking into her cart, asked sweetly, "So, which six items would you like to buy?"
A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical and the nurse starts with certain basic items.
"How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"115," she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale and it turns out her weight is 140.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 foot 8," she says.
The nurse checks and tells her that she only measures 5' 5".
The nurse then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high.
"Of course it's high!" the woman screams,
"When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"
A guy asks his girlfriend what she would like for a Christmas present.
"A fast sports car" she replies.
"Why do you want that?"he says."Because, I want something that will go from 0 to 200 in a few seconds" she says.
He gives her a bathroom scale.
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving this store, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' ? It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man.
and as the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"
Then he stepped up to the checkout counter and he saw that his total was $127.50.
"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, and looking into her cart, asked sweetly, "So, which six items would you like to buy?"
A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical and the nurse starts with certain basic items.
"How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"115," she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale and it turns out her weight is 140.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 foot 8," she says.
The nurse checks and tells her that she only measures 5' 5".
The nurse then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high.
"Of course it's high!" the woman screams,
"When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"
A guy asks his girlfriend what she would like for a Christmas present.
"A fast sports car" she replies.
"Why do you want that?"he says."Because, I want something that will go from 0 to 200 in a few seconds" she says.
He gives her a bathroom scale.
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving this store, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' ? It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man.
and as the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"
Then he stepped up to the checkout counter and he saw that his total was $127.50.
"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.
